“…Life is an indivisible whole not fragmented parts. And any attempt to endanger marital role at the expense of career goals (and vice-versa) inevitably creates a hole of pain, emotional anguish, inner discomfort and general dissatisfaction. People who fail to strike inertia balance between their goals and roles pay costly balance later on. Success in an area of life is not a justification for failure or mediocrity in other areas…”
The more we grow, the more activity-based
we become, the more the challenges of coping with living, the more fixed we
become, the more our imperatives, our priorities, our yearnings and of course,
our responsibilities!
Twenty-four hours a day become barely enough
for us to sufficiently attend to all that we must touch - all that are
important to us. Unfortunately, we are willing to contribute so many things,
yet we lack the effective time management to distribute them evenly. Consequently,
we hopelessly desire additional hours each day, thinking in our wildest imagination
of such possibility rare as hen’s teeth when we know cocksure that the
programmer of life and time will not shift its ground. We are quick to forget
that the day is the smallest complete natural unit of time.
“The problem is time” we lamentably throw
out as excuse for any who cares to listen to why we left some obligations unattended
to or abandoned. We tell our spouse, “Honey, you just have to understand the
nature of my job; it does not give room for me to take you out as such. I hope
you understand?”, “Mum, marriage is not on my list now. Don’t you think I need
to be a manager before that?” we ask rhetorically begging for an agreeable and
soliticious up-down nod from them.
We starve our partner of conjugal rights
such as intimacy, attention and emotional bonding. We deprive them of their
inalienable right all because of career, ambition and official undertakings. Today,
we are part of the entourage on a business tour. Tomorrow, we are heading a
strategic marketing committee just inaugurated by the management of our company
aimed at boosting sales and expanding niche. Next tomorrow, we are in the
classroom, sitting attentively before a Don, taking one post-graduate lecture
after the other. And in the evening after classes, we are at workers’ meeting
in church or at the mosque, trying hard not to forsake the gathering of the brethren
and on the day after, we wake up very early, dash to the bathroom for a brief
shower and off we are to religious centers, to praise The Creator, to give him
both dance and cash offerings in order to maintain spiritual standing with him.
But quite sadly, we prioritize our
schedules and fail to schedule our priorities. We spend little or no time at
home or outdoor in recreational atmosphere with our family. “They understand”
we tell ourselves consolingly anytime our conscience snaps, for the greatest
battle we fight are in the silent chambers of our own soul. We continue in this
workaholic cycle trifling and neglecting our primary roles as father, mother, spouse
and even our secondary role as son, daughter, brother and sister until nature
knocks us down on compulsory bed rest.
Dear friend, there is nothing absolutely
wrong with being diligent at work or aspiring the upper part of the corporate ladder,
bagging higher certifications, sweating it out to realize our vision being the
best manifestation of creative imagination and the primary motivation behind
human action and being fervently involved in religious matters. But, sometimes,
we may be saving minutes and wasting years once these commitments are not
well-balanced with the family front, the emotionally part of life – the right
to love and be loved. Thus, life becomes barely meaningful and enjoyable. Indeed,
all is well that ends well. A chair of three legs but with one stunted offshoot
definitely wobbles.
I can’t agree less with Stephen Covey, author
of First Things First when he noted
that “much of our pain in life comes from the sense that we’re succeeding in
one role at the expense of another, possibly more important roles. We may be
doing great as Chief Executive Officer of the company, but not doing well as
parents or spouse. We may be succeeding in meeting the needs of our clients,
but failing to meet our own need for personal development and spiritual growth.”
While roles represent the need for healthy family
relationship and domestic, social and religious responsibilities cum areas of
contribution, goals represent ambition and career building and a deep desire to
create value and positively affect humanity, for this is the most valuable
prosperity anyone can leave for posterity.
Incidentally, roles and goals form the major
component of man’s life, hence their interconnectedness and indivisibility. Take
for instance, just as the news of a promotion at work is shared with glee with family
members and loved ones, so also does a fresh divorce (out of improper attention
paid to marital responsibility) not only reduce the concentration and output level
of a staffer, but can also be demoralizing and psychologically depressing. Notably,
goals and roles are eternally trapped in an inseparable web and any attempt to wean
one invariably jeopardizes the other unless when balanced.
Frankly speaking dear friend, life is an
indivisible whole not fragmented parts. And any attempt to endanger marital
role at the expense of career goals (and vice-versa) inevitably creates a hole
of pain, emotional anguish, inner discomfort and general dissatisfaction.
People who fail to strike inertia balance between their goals and roles pay
costly balance later on. Success in an area of life is not a justification for
failure in other crucial areas. True success is all-encompassing. It is all-round
turn-around. It is one that brings about gratifying feeling of pleasant fulfillment
in all areas of one’s life. A balanced life is one at equilibrium not one in
the posture of a see-saw; where one end is blossoming flourishingly and the
other end is at the disadvantaged base.
When an individual’s life is at seesaw, struggle,
difficulty and unrewarding labour become the order of the day. Why? Because accomplishing
one goal inadvertently impact others in a cruelly negative manner due to lack
of balance. When the family is not suffering temporary but consequential
abandonment, official duties or religious obligations pay the price. Truly, most
of our frustration comes from unmet expectation!
Now, Dear friend, permit me to share with
you Four Approaches
to a Balanced Life
Number One: SYNCHRONIZATION
By synchronization, you multitasks goals
and roles. You juxtapose: attend to your responsibilities and ambition same
time. For instance, communicating with your spouse and kids during lunch break
at work.
“Hi! Was just thinking about you.”; “Hope you are enjoying classes.”; “Hope
Juli isn’t giving you much of a stress” are short utterances that go a long way
in bringing a family closer every day.
I particularly think the cliché: “Out of
sight isn’t out of mind” has outlived its relevance. Out of sight must not just
stay in the mind. It must be articulated in constant communication. Communication
which is a display of care and concern tremendously helps grow affection.
Everyone likes to be someone else’s priority. Remember, to communicate is to
commune. What is cultivated develops and that left un-prune deteriorates. Pick
up that phone now, run to the convenience of your organization and call them. Try
it! Sweet distraction! Never neglect parental responsibility and your role as a
father or as a mother.
Number two: HARMONIZATION
Harmonize compatible goals and roles. For instance,
a man who is a father, husband and a clergy can marry his responsibility has a
father and a husband together by spending wonderful moment in the car with his
wife and kids on the way to church if his week has been whole of a hectic 4a.m
to 11p.m.
Likewise, there is nothing wrong with a man
who is a postgraduate student, employee, father, sport enthusiast and husband
to take ‘Junior’ to class or the gym with him on Saturday if that will kindle the
fire of father-to-son love and vice-versa. Try it. It’s fun! Papa and son in
class! Papa and son working at keeping body fit at the gymnasium. Remember, a
day still has twenty-four hours, therefore the need for prudent time management.
Number three: ensure INCLUSION
By inclusion, we create involvement and
participation of roles and goals. We sensitize, prod and persuade our friends, business
associates, academic pals, family members, spouse, religious affiliates and any
and every other person in our circle of influence to embrace our goals, vision and
ambition. Be open about your aim and target; do not leave them in the dark
about what you intend to slingshot. That way, you all will be busy together
working at achieving something worthwhile. Your wife or husband won’t complain of
less attention. They understand and share your purpose.
Here’s an example: An individual with a contribution-driven
purpose for charity and social welfare can persuasively recruit everyone whom
he owes one responsibility or the other into strategic positions of his or her
Non-governmental organization. There is a sense of bonding that comes from
sharing common goal.
However, some goals and roles can be so
selfish that they require exclusive SEPARATION
Essentially, time-sensitive roles and goals
like corporate appointments and marital obligation in the area of exchange of
marital vow and conjugation and few others may demand exclusive attention and
focus in order for one not to wastes years all in a bid of trying to wisely
utilize minutes. Too much haste often results in waste. However, Initiative is
the key here.
May I drop this on you dear friend: The way
we see the problem is the problem. When we change the way we see, what we see
automatically changes. Perception is possession. It is possible to balance
goals and roles without hole. All-round success is not a mirage; it is possible
and achievable no matter how busy we are or how tight our schedule. So
therefore, you have no excuse to remain a bachelor or a bachelorette all under
the guise of career pursuit. Accomplishing one goal must not jeopardize others.
Remember, everything can be taken away from a man but one thing: the last of
the human freedom – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances,
to choose one’s way, how we respond.
“Vibrant health, economic security, rich
and satisfying relationships, ongoing personal and professional development,
and a deep sense of purpose, contribution and personal congruence create
quality of life” says Roger and Rebecca Merrill.
Dear friend, no man is a know-it-all. You
can add to the four approaches. I’ll be glad to have your views. My Twitter
handle is @Imodoye_1.
A balanced life is possible. Enjoy your day!
…Kip da Optimism Alive!
Picture credit: Google
© ‘Kayode Oyero, 2014
All Rights Reserved.
