SAKA: THIS BOARDROOM NO BE YOUR BEDROOM!

‘Kayode Oyero

“When in Rome, put away the attitude of home. For in Rome, your sole business is ‘busyness’.” –O.J.O

"Honey, that guy is loaded.”

“Yeeeeees Sweatheart! He’s not only loaded but thoughtfully intelligent.”

“I remember you said he said something like if you are loaded, you’ll be needed.”

“Isn’t he right? After all, my firm needed and hired him ‘cos he is loaded.”

“Hmmn, no wonder you said he spoke with insightful brilliance! Do you know the discipline he had studied at the University?”

“I know not.”

“What about the University where he had studied?

“UNISELF”

“What is UNISELF?”

“University of Self!”

“Where is it located? I would like to enroll Junior there when he grows.”

“Woman! Enough of your question and answer section! I need some oxygen.”

“Ooouch! Your words are hurtful. You have no listening ear. You’re such a military man. I’ll not talk to you again.”

“Sweatheart, it’s not like that. Just that I’m too exhausted to be engaged in your engaging never-ending interrogative interview. But don’t worry, for the sake of my food, I have what can answer all your questions.”

“What?”

“My phone-A mp3 audio record. It captured all he had lectured during the workers’ empowerment seminar. I had placed my phone very close to the public address system in order to immortalize his words. ”

“That’s partially thoughtful of you. Your sense of reasoning can be reasonable at times.”

“I’ll do as if I don’t hear that.” He shields his disgust for her statement slidding his screen touch-sensitive phone. And in a less fraction of a second, the phone’s miniature speaker blares:

Hello Ladies and gentlemen! My name is Saka. I’m a talented capacity builder and a business strategist. I’m her today to drill and acquaint all of you to the principles of a disciplined work-ethics. I have done that before and I shall continue to do it till I leave this mtn.

Revealingly, gone were those days of yore when C.E.O of big-big companies, yes, Corporate Executive Officers of large-large organisations like our own mtn, gone be those days wey dey reel in satisfaction of the ‘burekete’ turnout made in just ended months.

But before I continue, I’ll like to burst your bubble by telling you that virtually all corporate oga at the top of organizations now enrol to be under the mentoring and monitoring of people like me wey be business educators. This be the current culture especially in a dispensation witnessing the sprouting of many, many and a lot of sagacious motivational coach like Olumide Emmanuel, Sam Adeyemi, Muyiwa Afolabi and plenty plenty others of my colleagues that we are together inside this business of motivation

Unarguably, the desire to maximise productivity and to further enlarge their company' sack of profit informs their decision to subscribe to our business tutorials.

Paradoxically, the month of January being the first page of every year is universally expected to en-robe the faces of employees with smiles of fortune resulting from promotion. But, something painfully painful and unfortunate be say the year-opener month is one that often serves some deserving staffers their waterloo. Yes waterloo! Na misfortune be the meaning.

No dey surprise if mtn sack some of you who are still currently employed employers at the end of this month. You know this is another brand new year and month. And as you know new year, new system, new month, new system. I see say some of you don dey look at me like say I be a pessimist or a prophet of doom. I beg your pardon. This is a new month. A month of revisitation of the previous month's performance! Make I tell all of you, I eavesdrop when some of our ogas at the top saying sack letters is a thing of inevitability this year. That was when they were brainstorming to consider to sign my ‘I don port deal’. And you know like a premonition, dey know say dey go loose plenri Subscribers during the porting regime. That was the reason why dey enticed me with unrefusable millions in the first place, so that I can save their impending loss with my charismatic reputation. Don’t say I tell you ooo!

Eehn ehen, let us continue, akoko O ba wa s’ore- time is no longer befriending us. Though, my major reason here is to earn money, you know nothing is free even in freetown, Serria lone. Everything cost a fee especially one’s survival in this part of the world called Lagos. But because I am conscience-conscious, I’ll not forget to feed you with some morsel of truth before I leave.

You see, how can one justify the productivity of a staff whose office lifestyle is to resume duty at eight in the morning, gist about Linda Ikeji’s blog with birds-of-the-same-feathers friends till nine, comment on all manner and all sorts of pictures and posts on facebook, tweet for hours all in the name of interspersing work with a little distraction. And as if that one is not enough, pings intermittently for heaven knows, goes for an hour break, discusses all manner of frivolities in gossips with colleagues of same feathers. And finally, finally, at the closing hour, off the door with no singularly identified task done for the day!

Now, look at my korokoro eye with your korokoro eye and tell me if assuming you’re the boss of the staff portrayed above, would you wait for the outcome of an appraisal before you shoo such employee away? NO. capital Enn Oooo, NO!

Better still, would you retain such lackadaisical and un-conscientious personnel if economic crunch is about to cripple your company and for you to save the situation, you now embark on downsizing your work-force? Certainly NO.

For all you as an employee to be all-time valuable and indispensable, you must continually add value to the betterment of your organization- in this case, mtn. You have to operate at a level where you are irreplaceable, be it by the dynamism of technology or substituted by a more-equipped person. You have to be indispensable if you don’t want joblessness to recruit you.

You can't afford to be a liability on mtn this month and forever more.

C'mon, I can hear asset inherent in you crying for a productive explosion. Thus, ready to give strength to the financial muscle of your outfit. In this case, our company: mtn

Give me your ear and listen very well, if you know you do more than you're being paid for, don't despair, it won't be long when you'd be paid more than you do.

Your individual Ogas at the top may pretends as if he does not see you, he might even intentionally not accord recognition to your 'self-acclaimed concerted efforts'. Don't because of that relax the tempo of your hardwork because your tomorrow Success, promotion in all your case is an accumulation of your yesterday and today’s hard work and diligence.

Let me brighten your hope with this secret: those Ogas at the top are Conservatives, they are pretenders with no contender. It is not habitual of them to praise-sing their impressive employees or subordinates but that doesn’t mean you are not under their tacit watch. Their well-done comes in form of recommendation for promotion. You know as the popular saying goes that commendation precedes recommendation. It is after they have silently and quietly commended you that they recommend you as eligible for promotion.

For all of you who make the boardroom your bedroom, repent now or else, or else.

Yoruba people get one proverb. they say: Abo Oro la n so fun Omoluabi….. –A potent word need not to be lengthy.

Eni ba leti, ko gbo ­– He who hath ear make you hear even as you:

…Kip da Optimism Alive